Ghost

It is best to maintain a stable weight. Even a two-pound fluctuation can alter the fit of a bodice. A dress that goes through too many fittings will be obvious to the eye.

BARF!

Wow I thought I had a handle on wedding basics by now but this is the first I am hearing about “The Eye”.  If “the eye” notices your dress has been altered too many times, what else will it see? A stray eyelash? A chipped nail?  A bothersome freckle?  This “eye” seems very observant and very bitchy.  You know what, I’m not gonna worry about some bitchy eye if I feel like doing a little stress eating in the days leading up to my wedding.  In fact, I’m gonna hire some security guards to make sure “The Eye” doesn’t get into my wedding.  “The friends” and “The family” will do just fine.  (Quote found here)

This is your fairy tale and you want everything to be perfect… but what in the world are you going to do with your hair? The most important thing to remember is to not lose yourself in your hairdo.

BARF!

This quote from Project Wedding highlights a very real danger for brides:  Getting lost in your hairdo.  Every spring, thousands of brides go missing on their wedding days.  One minute, they’re cutting the cake and smiling for photos and then, just like that, they disappear.  Kidnapped by estranged ex-boyfriends?  Run off with irresistibly charming cater waiters?  No and no.  These missing brides get lost in their hairdos.  One minute, a stray ringlet falls in front of their left eye and then BOOM!  Suddenly, they are swimming in a terrifying sea of freshly curled layers and sharp edged bobby pins, never to be seen again.  What would a fairy tale be after all without an evil enemy like a magical queen or an out of control dragon?  In the “perfect fairy tale” that is your wedding, that evil enemy is a bad hairdo.  Fear it!  Respect it!  Do anything you can to prevent it from happening to you!   

Maintaining the “Wow!” Factor is important when planning an event that requires friends and family to travel cross-country to attend. Start with a 20 minute gondola ride to the top of Aspen Mountain with the spectacular landscape unfolding hundreds of feet below. Proceed to an intimate ceremony against a magnificent backdrop at the wedding deck. Continue to dinner by candlelight in a private mountain chalet.

BARF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This…is…insane.  The tagline of the website that featured this insane-o wedding, Style Me Pretty, is “Bridal Inspirations”.  In what way is this “real wedding” inspiring exactly?  Oh yes, to clarify, this fete is part of their “Real Wedding Wednesday” series.  As if to say, this bride and groom are just a couple-a “real” kids in love who just happened to stumble upon a “real” giant mountain with a totally “real” private chalet on top of it, just like you and me.  For this wedding to be featured on an episode of “Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous” would be one thing but for this website to present it as an “inspiration” for everyday couples trying to plan their wedding, alongside DIY lantern instructions and constant endorsements of their vendor advertisers drives me BONKERS!  PS- I think it’s tacky.  You heard me!  I think the very rich strewing their very high end wedding details all over the web under the guise of “inspiring others” is tacky.   By the way, if any wedding website people are reading this and wondering how they can get mentioned on my lovely blog, using the phrase “Wow” factor is a sure bet. Seriously, barf.

Please share any of your barfalicious wedding finds on the Wedding Barf facebook page! And thanks for reading!

Please share any of your barfalicious wedding finds on the Wedding Barf facebook page! And thanks for reading!

…don’t plan the events of your reception in front of an “exit” sign. Toasts are usually the culprit and it’s so easy to avoid it’s almost laughable. But lots and lots of folks have their toasts in front of an exit sign anyway. It baffles me.

BARF!

Come on, really?  This quote comes from a photographer’s blog.   You know what, if there is a freaking exit sign in the background of a photo or two, who the eff cares?   I love when wedding professionals dole out these little snippets of advice with a tone of “come on you stupid idiots, how could you not know this?”  I’m planning on getting married on earth, not some magical, yet undiscovered planet made up exclusively of beautiful scenery, where incredibly flattering pink clouds float behind my head at all times, where people don’t need signs telling them how to get out of a ballroom in case of a fire.  This woman writes of the exit sign disaster “it’s so easy to avoid it’s almost laughable”  Really?  Cause normally when I’m having a good time at a party I’m not hyper aware of any rogue signage that might be behind me.  Sorry if that “baffles” you. This post makes me want to hire this woman and then secretly sneak an exit sign in the background of every picture at my wedding so we can play a “Where’s Waldo” type game with the proofs after the wedding.

Does this dress make you feel $3,000 prettier?

BARF!

So I was a little under the weather and spent the last two days barfing without the help of wedding blogs.  But in my chicken soup and Gatorade induced haze I managed to get my wedding porn fix watching a “Say Yes to the Dress” mini-marathon on TLC.   For those of you who don’t know, this show documents the wedding dress buying process at Kleinfeld’s, a couture bridal superstore in Manhattan.  This question was posed by one of the salesladies to a customer who had tried on a dress that was way over her budget.  It stuck out to me because it really gets to the heart of the craziness of the whole bridal industry.  Does paying X amount for a dress, invitations, a venue or anything else make you feel prettier, happier, more in love?  I would guess the answer is usually no.  For evidence of this I suggest watching one of the Real Housewives shows, where clearly, amount spent does not a happy woman make.  Okay, so I may have been watching a little too much reality T.V. lately.  Off to eat some solid food and read a book…

Who says weddings have to be high maintenance? Sara & Jason took the ferry over to Staten Island (why dont more couples do that??), got married at the courthouse, and then headed back for a lunch in Manhattan with friends and family.

BARF!

Why don’t more couple’s do that Brooklyn Bride?  Oh I don’t know maybe because the bride is Irish and the groom is Filipino and they have enormous (and amazing) families they want to come to their wedding?  Perhaps they are so “high maintenance” that they might want to get married in a church in front of said family and maybe some friends too?  Getting married at a courthouse is great, my sister did it and she loved the experience.  And bloggers, I get that you are super concerned with proposing the next big thing or the most unweddingy wedding.  But to some couples, especially ones with giant Catholic families, weddings are a big freaking deal.  Not in the “spend a million dollars and become a bridezilla” way but in the large event for a lot of people way, and I’m not gonna feel guilty about that.  Also, as someone who commuted on the Staten Island ferry for a year, I have a decidedly less romantic version of the boat.  I guess the hot dogs would be a plus though…

A convo between Darcy Miller of MSW, "style guru" Robert Verdi and me. The me part might be fictional...

  • Darcy: What are your thoughts on the garter belt tradition?
  • Robert: I'm not a huge fan of it, really. Nobody can ever see what's going on, and the right guy never catches the garter. Plus, it's all about the legs. If you don't have GREAT legs, you should probably steer clear of this tradition.
  • Me: BARF! Hey guys, guess what? Some people like doing the throwing the garter belt thing because they think it's fun and their families have done it for years. Am I gonna do it at my wedding? Probably not. Am I gonna get all snotty and judgmental if some other lady wants to do it? Hell no! And I am definitely not going to judge her freaking legs while it's happening. Gross! Sorry Robert Verdi, but all women don't look like your celebrity client Eva Longoria. Hey Darcy, wanna get out of here and go get some milkshakes and plan my wedding for free? You do? Awesome. BTW what does Martha smell like? Am I being weird? I'm being weird aren't I...
Do you have a ridiculous wedding link or photo to share?  Please do so on Wedding Barf’s newly created facebook fanpage!

Do you have a ridiculous wedding link or photo to share?  Please do so on Wedding Barf’s newly created facebook fanpage!

We encourage our couples to take it one room at a time, which can take multiple visits to the store. Building a beautiful and balanced registry is definitely a process and we want our couples to be fully engaged the entire time. The minute they feel tired, hungry or just over it we encourage them to return their scanner and come back fresh another day.

BARF!

I mean just look at that scanner, it must be so heavy.  I need a nap just looking at it.  And the mental stress of picking out things for people to buy for you?  Wow.  Hard to think about really.  Choosing types of mixing bowls, discussing the merits of various knife sets and don’t get me started on towels.  It’s a marathon for which I will need to fuel my body and mentally ready myself for weeks.  I mean, imagine if, for just one second, my mind wandered while I was looking at a plate.  That would be a FREAKING DISASTER!  Oh wait, no it wouldn’t, it wouldn’t actually matter at all because registering for gifts is supposed to be fun!  Weird, I wonder why in this quote from Brides a rep from Blomingdales is making registering out to be such an intense and involved process? Oh right, because he wants you to register for weird stuff you don’t need so that your guests will buy tons of stuff and spend tons of money at Bloomindales.  Be wary of wedding blog “advice” that is actually “advertising”.

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